Life is Better With You Here
For this post I would like to talk about something dear to my heart. One of the biggest things the Lord has helped me overcome is depression. I would like to share my experience and hopefully leave you with some encouragement as well.
What is depression? A simple definition is, “feelings of severe despondency and dejection”. Depression is a mental disorder that negatively affects your mood. Depression can be caused by chemical imbalances in the brain, trauma, and many other factors. It is very common to experience depression. If this is you or has been you, I want to remind you that you are not alone.
I have had a series of events in my life that resulted in my depression. I grew up in a divorced household. I constantly searched for validation from others. I experienced a traumatic relationship that pushed me into a nervous breakdown. I struggled with drinking and sexual sin. I have always felt like I am too much for people. I have struggled with body image and eating. These things accumulated in my life until I eventually hit rock bottom. Jesus met me when I was at a very low place in my life. After I committed my life to Jesus I have still faced numerous struggles. This past year has been one of the hardest ones yet. For almost two years my depression was spiraling. Along with that I was having intense thoughts that I could not get out of my head. For months I kept this to myself. I truly felt crazy and isolated from the rest of the world. I will never forget this past summer when I could no longer take it anymore. I constantly was hoping Jesus would call me home everyday. I did not want to harm myself but I could not take anymore of the pain I was facing. One day I was driving in the rain and my truck almost hydroplaned. I remember for a split second I wanted to crash and could not get it out of my head for days. I finally shared with my mom all the challenges I had been facing. I remember telling my mom, “I don’t want to hurt myself but I can’t help but want to be with Jesus”. I am so grateful to have my mom. She helped me finally get the help I needed. This fall, prayers have been answered. I have been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety, and depression. Everyday things are getting better.
First, suffering is not from God. Romans 5:12 says, “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all have sinned”. Suffering is a result of sin. The awesome thing about following Jesus is that because of Jesus our suffering is only temporary. James 1:2-4 says, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything”. God is constantly shaping and growing us into the people He has called us to be. God can use anything and everything for His glory.
Why do I tell you all this? I truly believe that God allowed me to experience this for HIS glory. I also believe that depression is both physical and spiritual. I believe that the enemy puts lies in our heads like “it's better if I am not here”. This is because he doesn't want you to fulfill all God has planned for you. John 15:18-19 says, “If the world hates you, understand that it hated me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own. However, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of it, the world hates you”. We will suffer at times like Jesus suffered for us. It was hard to not be mad at God at times. I prayed for a very long time for the pain to end. Like always, the Lord was faithful. It was not my timing, but His. I don’t know all that He has in store for me or you, but I can testify the faithfulness of God. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” Revelation 21:4. When we trust Jesus, we will get to live in peace with Him forever.
The reason why we don’t immediately go to Heaven when we believe in Jesus is because He has purpose for us on earth. There is a reason why you are here and I am so grateful God has intentionally created you. Trust in Him and all will be okay!
